What is mutual masturbation?
Thought masturbation was just a solo job? Mutual masturbation is when you masturbate in front of a partner while they masturbate in front of you. It can also be when you and a partner masturbate each other at the same time (A.K.A. simultaneous hand stuff). Sexting also counts as mutual masturbation if you’re both going at it while dirty talking online. So really, there are many types of mutual masturbation or ways for partners to masturbate together. The bottom line is, masturbation doesn’t always have to be an activity you do alone!
What are the benefits of mutual masturbation?
We already know the many benefits of masturbation, such as improved sleep, endorphin release, and reduced stress, so how is mutual masturbation different? According to VUSH’s sexpert, Steph, here are 3 benefits of mutual masturbation:
1. Relaxes muscles & reduces stress
Masturbation helps relax your entire body by relieving muscle tension. It is an opportunity to be mindful and connect with your body. Plus, the endorphins that are released during masturbation can help reduce stress levels!
All those beautiful benefits that come from masturbation are a great way to get you in the mood for sex with a partner if you’ve been struggling with mismatched libidos in a relationship. Mutual masturbation may be a good way to alleviate some of the life stressors that can get in the way of your sex life.
2. Improves intimacy & relationship
Mutual masturbation is also a great way to enhance your relationship by adding a new layer of intimacy and creativity to your sex life. Masturbating in front of another person is an intimate act that requires a whole other level of vulnerability, confidence, and trust. While solo masturbation is an important part of a healthy sex life, it can feel really nice to share this with another person. Taking this step with a partner and adding some couples masturbation may help you feel closer to that person!
3. Better sex & pleasure
Mutual masturbation is a great opportunity to show a partner how you like to be touched. By masturbating in front of a partner, you can give them examples of what you want them to do to you! This can lead to better sex and increased pleasure for both of you, since it works in the other direction and can be very insightful to see your partner touch themselves the way that feels best for them — take notes people!
People are more likely to orgasm during masturbation compared to partnered sex, so it makes sense to your masturbation practice into your sex life with a partner. Mutual masturbation might just be your solution to increasing the number of orgasms you have with a partner!
How to bring up mutual masturbation with your partner
When adding something new to the bedroom, it’s always best to talk about it beforehand in a non-sexual context, for example, on a dog walk. Surprising them when you're getting hot and heavy may make them feel pressure to say yes to something they’re not sure if they’re keen on yet. We suggest broaching the topic at a time when no one is naked or feeling vulnerable. This gives them some time to think about whether it’s something they’d be into (but chances are, they’ll love it!).
In terms of finding the right words, we’ve come up with some suggestions:
- “I want to see how you touch yourself”
- “I think it would be super hot for me to put on a show for you”
- “I’d love if we could do more hand stuff during sex because that really gets me in the mood”
- “I have a hard time orgasming during penetration, do you think we could include more of how I masturbate into our sex life?”
VUSH has also created some conversation cards that are a great lead in to talking about sex with a partner and may help facilitate a discussion about mutual masturbation.
When you should mutually masturbate
Mutual masturbation is a great addition to foreplay. It can be a huge turn on to watch a partner touch themselves. It may make you want to touch them even more! Masturbating together can build your arousal for other types of partnered sex.
Don’t be fooled though, mutual masturbation can also be the main event! If it involves pleasure and orgasms, it counts as sex, therefore, mutual masturbation is sex. Couples masturbation is also a great option when penetration isn’t on the table, for example, for when you don’t have a condom handy or aren’t in the mood for intercourse.
How to mutually masturbate
1. Set the mood
Obviously, there needs to be some form of build up before you start masturbating in front of someone else. Begin by kissing and touching each other, or maybe do some other forms of sex first. You could also set the mood by using our conversation cards to start a hot and steamy discussion about turn ons or orgasms.
2. Experiment in positions
Since there are two types of mutual masturbation (both of you touching yourself vs. you touching each other), there are many different positions that could work. You can both sit on opposite ends of the bed and put on a show for one another, or even separate parts of the room altogether. You can also mutually masturbate in regular sex positions, such as cowgirl position or lotus position, just make sure there is enough room between pelvises so you can both comfortably touch yourselves. If you both want to touch each other at the same time, try sitting in front of one another or doing a variation of the 69 position.
3. Set a challenge
This part is optional, but it can make things more fun. How about a rule where you can’t touch each other? Maybe the forbidden nature of a no touching rule will be a turn on. You could try taking turns and set a rule that one partner can only touch themselves/touch the other partner at a time. Alternatively, maybe one person wears a blindfold while the other person masturbates them? There are always ways to spice up your masturbation practice or partnered sex.
4. Incorporate sex toys and vibrators
Speaking of spicing things up, why not add a sex toy? Mutual masturbation is one of the best ways to introduce sex toys with a partner. Whether it’s an external vibrator on the clit or a vibrating stroker on the shaft of the penis, there are plenty of ways to use sex toys and vibrators during mutual masturbation. Maybe you both use your individual toys at the same time, or maybe you use a vibrator to masturbate your partner. The options are endless!
Read more on Stimulation:
Keen to learn more about masturbation? Read everything you need to know about the vulva, view the best masturbation positions and poses or learn how to masturbate if you have a vulva. Wanting to get your first sex toy? We’ve got you - here’s our beginner’s sex toy guide. Curious about partnered sex? Here’s our guide to incorporating sex toys into partnered sex.