Sexting, sending nudes, talking dirty online — whatever you call it, it’s a lot of fun. From sending a flirty text to sharing suggestive videos, there are many different ways to have sex virtually. The question is, how do you sext safely and confidently?
VUSH’s sexpert, Steph, runs us through the do’s and don’ts of sexting and sending nudes.
What is sexting?
Let’s start with the basics. If you’re new to sexting, or wondering why on earth people do it, we’ve got you covered.
Sexting is exactly what it sounds like — a combination between the words “sex” and “texting”. It often involves sending and receiving racy texts or seductive pics with the intention of simulating sex online.
Sexting is not just about getting off, it’s a great way to explore desire, connect with a partner, and explore fantasy online. It’s a form of foreplay that starts outside the bedroom and helps build sexual desire for next time you’re together with a partner.
We’re talking about online sex here, it’s normal to not know exactly how to approach it. It’s easy to accidentally ignore boundaries or cross a line when you’re chatting on social media, so we’ve created a few guidelines to help. Here are our top six etiquette tips for sexting and sending nudes:
1. Get consent
Just because it’s online, doesn’t mean consent is less important. Boundaries can be difficult when it comes to social media and texting, so make the extra effort to ensure you’re not crossing any lines when trying to add some spice to a convo. Try the following questions to suss your partner’s vibe and get consent in a sexy way:
- “I can’t stop thinking about last night, do you want to hear what’s on my mind?”
- “I’m really feeling myself right now, can I send you a photo?”
- “I’m about to get in the shower, wanna see?”
2. Get context
Part of getting consent is making sure the timing is right. It’s hard to know exactly what someone is doing when you’re talking to them online (the last thing you want is your partner’s mum or boss reading your sexy text). Ask if your partner is in private, or at least not in a space where others can see their phone. Also, make sure you’re in the space to commit to the convo — there’s nothing worse than a steamy sexting session getting interrupted by housemates or to-do lists.
3. Don’t take screenshots
Fear that photos will be screenshot is a big barrier to sending nudes. Never take any screenshots or screen recordings that haven’t been previously agreed upon! Maybe your partner doesn’t mind if you keep the photo in your camera roll, just make sure you ask what their boundaries are (and make yours very clear). And don’t forget the golden rule when keeping someone’s nudes — delete them once you’ve broken up or they’re no longer in your life.
4. Keep it to yourself
Following on from screenshots, a common concern is that private photos will be sent on without consent. It should go without saying, but it’s important to keep dirty texts and sexy photos to your eyes only. Your partner has consented for you, and only you, to see their nudes. Don’t show the person next to you and certainly don’t send it on to others via message (this is illegal!).
5. Ease into it
No one likes a dick pic straight up (no seriously, no one). Ease into the sexting with words before photos, and light flirting before heavy erotic stories. Start with a casual compliment, or a trip down memory lane to set the mood. If it feels more subtle, send some risqué emojis to get the mind wandering.
6. Finish it properly
We’ve all had someone go ghost mode as soon as they finish — don’t be that person. If you’ve had your orgasm already, or you’re just over it, tell your partner rather than leaving their messages read or unopened. A simple “this has been really hot but I’m exhausted and gonna head to sleep now” will do the trick. Don’t leave your partner hanging!
Tips for sexting & sending nudes
Now that we’ve got the guidelines out the way, let’s crack into the juicy stuff. Here are our top tips for sexting and sending nudes:
1. Get in the mood
You can’t show someone how sexy you are if you’re not feeling sexy. Confidence is the sexiest trait! Play some music or put on a sexy outfit, then do some foreplay with yourself (no one else is gonna do it). You should only be sexting or sending nudes if you’re 100% in the mood!
2. Build anticipation
This takes us back to our ‘ease into it’ point about etiquette. The beauty of sexting is in the tease! If you’re sending nudes, start fully clothed, or maybe you change into a luxurious robe, then strip down to only your underwear. If you’re sending dirty texts, go slowly and gently, rather than sending something super explicit out of the blue. When you’re sexting, you’re basically creating a story or fantasy for your partner, so delve into the dirty details and create a crescendo.
3. Share your desires
Sexting is an opportunity to share the things you’ve been wanting to try in the bedroom but have been too scared to ask for. This is a good way to improve your in-person sex life by telling your partner exactly what you want. You can also use your own sex memories as inspiration here. We’ve all had sex flashbacks before — voice them! A simple “I’m in the mood to do what we did last night again” or “I can’t stop thinking about the time we did it in the kitchen” can go a long way.
4. Get creative
Nudes aren’t just about boobs, bums and genitals. Photos or videos of legs, lower backs, fingertips, lips, and more can be super suggestive and sexy. Try different angles, lighting, poses, or cameras. You can even try taking a video and screenshotting your best look! And don’t forget about props — include sex toys or get in front of a full length mirror. If you’re feeling up to it, why not send a voice memo or move to FaceTime sex? If you’re sticking to dirty talk without pics, use your imagination to create some erotic fiction.
5. Be specific
Good sexting involves lots of juicy details. Set the scene for your partner by giving all the specifics — what you’re wearing, what you’re thinking about, where in your body you feel good, what you’re craving, etc. The more specific, the more likely you are to tap into a real turn on for you or your partner.
6. Don’t overthink it
Let’s be honest, dirty talk can make us cringe sometimes. We want you to try your best to let go of any shame or embarrassment over sexting. Don’t stress too much about what you’re saying or how you’re acting — voice exactly what you want and move in a way that feels natural, without shame! As long as you’re reading the room, feeling confident, and trusting the person you’re sexting, it’s just a bit of harmless fun.
7. Double check that send button
There’s nothing worse than an accidental nude on the instagram story or in the fam group chat. We know you’re hot, heavy, and impatient, but we definitely recommend taking that extra second to make sure you’re sending your sext to the right person. (Thank god for the unsend button.)
8. Prioritise aftercare!
As we mentioned before, actually end the conversation with your partner. Then take care of yourself! You may be feeling super sexually charged and ready to have the best solo sex of your life, or you may be feeling quite vulnerable now that you’re alone. Journal your feelings, send a cute snuggly selfie to your partner, have another orgasm — do what you need to do to end the sexting session right.