The Complete Guide to Self-Pleasure

Quick answer: Self-pleasure (masturbation) is the act of touching your own body for sexual pleasure. It’s normal, healthy and backed by science: it reduces stress, improves sleep, relieves pain and leads to better partnered sex. This guide covers techniques for all bodies, mindful masturbation, positions, mutual masturbation with a partner, and the best toys to enhance your experience.

Let’s get one thing straight: self-pleasure isn’t a guilty secret. It’s one of the most natural, empowering and enjoyable things you can do for yourself, and it’s about time we all started treating it that way.

Whether you’ve been on your self-love journey for years or you’re only just getting curious, this guide is your one-stop shop for everything self-pleasure. What it is, why it’s so good for you, how to do it, and how to turn a solo session into something genuinely transformative.

At VUSH, we believe self-pleasure is the foundation of self-love. When you understand your body, what feels good, what makes you tick, what sends you over the edge you unlock a deeper connection with yourself that spills into every part of your life. Better confidence, better sleep, better sex with partners.

Find Your Guide

Not sure where to start? Use this table to jump straight to the article that’s right for you.

What Actually Is Masturbation?

Masturbation is the act of touching your own body for sexual pleasure. No complicated rules, no right or wrong way to do it. It can involve your hands, a toy, a shower head, whatever feels good. It might end in orgasm, or it might not. Both are completely fine.

Masturbation is something people of all genders, ages and relationship statuses do. It’s not just for single people. It’s not a replacement for partnered sex. It’s its own thing entirely, a form of self-care that only you can give yourself.

➤ Want the full deep-dive? Read What Is Masturbation?

The Benefits of Self-Pleasure

If masturbation were a supplement, it would be sold out everywhere. The science-backed benefits are wild:

• Stress relief: Orgasm floods your body with oxytocin, dopamine and endorphins, a natural chill pill (Komisaruk & Whipple, 2005).

• Better sleep: The hormonal release following orgasm promotes deep relaxation and faster sleep onset (Lastella et al., 2019).

• Pain relief: Endorphins released during orgasm can ease headaches, period cramps and general tension (Whipple & Komisaruk, 1985).

• Improved mood: Regular self-pleasure is linked to reduced anxiety, improved self-esteem and more positive body image (Hurlbert & Whittaker, 1991).

• Stronger pelvic floor: Orgasms contract and release pelvic floor muscles, leading to stronger orgasms and better bladder health over time.

• Better partnered sex: When you know what you like, you can communicate it. Research shows self-knowledge is one of the strongest predictors of sexual satisfaction (Herbenick et al., 2018).

➤ We’ve broken the science down in The Benefits of Masturbation

How to Masturbate With a Vulva

The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings, more than anywhere else in the human body, and the vast majority of it is internal (O’Connell et al., 2005, The Journal of Urology). So when we say there’s a lot to explore, we mean it.

Getting started can be as simple as finding a comfortable space and using your fingers to gently explore. Pay attention to the clitoral hood, labia and vaginal entrance. Try different pressures, speeds and motions: circles, tapping, stroking, pulsing.

Adding a toy changes the game. A clitoral stimulator like the Empress Tidal uses suction and vibration in ways fingers can’t replicate. The key? Take your time. Self-pleasure shouldn’t be a race.

➤ Step-by-step breakdown: How to Masturbate With a Vulva

How to Masturbate With a Penis

There’s so much more to explore than the classic grip-and-go. Experiment with different grips, pressures and tempos. Try your non-dominant hand. Explore the frenulum and perineum, both packed with nerve endings that often get overlooked.

Incorporating a stroker like the Sol opens up a whole new world of sensation. And just like with vulva owners, self-pleasure doesn’t have to be goal-oriented, slowing down and edging can make it far more satisfying.

➤ Techniques, toys and tips: How to Masturbate With a Penis

Best Masturbation Positions

The position you’re in can completely change how masturbation feels. Most of us default to lying on our backs, but switching things up hits different angles, engages different muscles and can lead to entirely new types of orgasm.

Lying on your stomach creates different pressure. Sitting upright gives more control. All fours allows simultaneous internal and external play. Standing in the shower? That’s a vibe in itself. Don’t get stuck in a rut.

➤ We’ve rounded up our favourites in Best Masturbation Positions & Poses

What Is Mindful Masturbation?

Mindful masturbation means bringing awareness, the same kind you’d use in meditation, into your self-pleasure practice. Instead of rushing to orgasm or letting your mind wander, you slow down and pay attention to every sensation.

When you approach self-pleasure with intention, the physical sensations become more intense, the emotional connection deepens, and the experience becomes far more satisfying. It can also be incredibly helpful for people who experience anxiety around sex, struggle to orgasm, or feel disconnected from their bodies.

➤ Full guide: What Is Mindful Masturbation?

Mutual Masturbation: Self-Pleasure, Together

Touching yourself in front of, or alongside, a partner is one of the most intimate, educational and flat-out hot things you can do together. You get to watch them show you exactly how they pleasure themselves, speed, pressure, the spots they gravitate to, and they get the same from you.

It builds trust, deepens intimacy and takes the guesswork out of pleasing each other. Toys like the Luna (wearable, remote-controlled) are brilliant for this.

➤ Get the full lowdown: Mutual Masturbation Guide

How to Get the Most Out of Your Self-Pleasure Practice

• Set the scene. Lock the door, dim the lights, put your phone on silent. Space matters.

• Use lube. A good water-based lubricant reduces friction and heightens sensitivity. Game-changer.

• Try something new. A different position, a new toy, erotica, a guided audio session, variety keeps things interesting.

• Ditch the goal. Not every session needs to end in orgasm. Enjoy the sensation without pressure.

• Make it a routine. Schedule it like you would a workout or meditation. Your pleasure deserves that same priority in your self-care routine.

Let’s Break the Stigma

For too long, self-pleasure has been wrapped in shame, silence and stigma. People with vulvas in particular have been told their pleasure isn’t important, or that masturbation is something to be embarrassed about.

That narrative is outdated, and frankly, it’s rubbish. Self-pleasure is healthy. It’s normal. It’s for everyone. And talking about it openly is how we change the conversation for good.

FAQs About Self-Pleasure

Is masturbation normal?

Completely. Masturbation is one of the most common sexual activities across all genders and ages. Major health organizations including the Endo Australia confirm it’s a normal, healthy part of sexual wellbeing.

How often should I masturbate?

There’s no magic number. Some people do it daily, others weekly, others rarely. As long as it’s not interfering with your daily life or relationships, there’s no such thing as too much or too little.

Can masturbation affect my health negatively?

No. There are no known negative health effects from masturbation. It doesn’t cause blindness, infertility, or any of the other myths you may have heard. It’s safe, healthy and has numerous documented benefits.

Is it okay to masturbate if I’m in a relationship?

Absolutely. Masturbation and partnered sex serve different purposes and can happily coexist. Many couples find that maintaining a solo practice actually improves their sex life together.

What’s the best toy for a beginner?

For vulva owners, a bullet vibrator or the Empress Tidal clitoral stimulator are great starting points. For penis owners, a simple stroker like the Sol is intuitive and non-intimidating.

Browse the full VUSH range.

Sources

O’Connell, H.E. et al. (2005). “Anatomy of the clitoris.” The Journal of Urology, 174(4), 1189–1195.

Komisaruk, B.R. & Whipple, B. (2005). “Functional MRI of the brain during orgasm in women.” Annual Review of Sex Research, 16.

Whipple, B. & Komisaruk, B.R. (1985). “Elevation of pain threshold by vaginal stimulation in women.” Pain, 21(4), 357–367.

Lastella, M. et al. (2019). “Sex and sleep: perceptions of sex as a sleep promoting behaviour.” Frontiers in Public Health, 7, 33.

Hurlbert, D.F. & Whittaker, K.E. (1991). “The role of masturbation in marital and sexual satisfaction.” Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 17(4), 272–282.

Herbenick, D. et al. (2018). “Women’s experiences with genital touching, sexual pleasure, and orgasm.” Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 44(2), 201–212.