Quick answer: Your sex drive is primarily regulated by testosterone (the main driver of desire in all genders), oestrogen (which affects arousal, lubrication, and sensitivity), progesterone (which tends to dampen desire), and cortisol (the stress hormone that suppresses libido when elevated). These hormones fluctuate with your menstrual cycle, age, stress levels, sleep, medications, and life events. A dip in sex drive is almost always explainable and rarely means something is permanently wrong.
Your sex drive has a mind of its own. Some weeks you could climb the walls. Other weeks you couldn't care less if someone handed you a free ticket to a fantasy island. That inconsistency isn't random. It's hormonal. And understanding the hormonal picture behind your libido is the difference between thinking something's wrong with you and knowing your body is just doing what bodies do.
The hormones that matter
Testosterone
Testosterone gets associated with men, but it's the primary hormone driving sexual desire in everyone. Women produce testosterone too, in the ovaries and adrenal glands, at about a tenth the level of men, but it's proportionally just as important for libido.
Testosterone levels peak in your late teens and early twenties, then gradually decline. In women, testosterone drops by about 50% between the ages of 20 and 40. After menopause, it drops further. This is a major reason why libido often decreases with age, it's not about getting boring or comfortable. It's chemistry.
Things that lower testosterone: ageing, hormonal contraceptives (especially combined pills), stress, poor sleep, low body weight, and certain medications. Things that support it: regular exercise (especially resistance training), adequate sleep, and managing chronic stress.
Oestrogen
Oestrogen is less about wanting sex and more about being physically ready for it. It maintains vaginal tissue, promotes lubrication, increases blood flow to the genitals, and affects skin sensitivity. When oestrogen is high (around ovulation), everything tends to be more responsive. When it drops (before your period, during breastfeeding, after menopause), tissue can thin, lubrication decreases, and sex can become uncomfortable.
Low oestrogen doesn't kill desire directly, but it can make sex less enjoyable, which in turn reduces desire over time. This is why lubrication matters so much during low-oestrogen phases, it replaces what the body isn't producing. See our complete lubricant guide for more.
Progesterone
Progesterone rises after ovulation and stays elevated during the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle (the two weeks before your period). Its job is to prepare the body for potential pregnancy, and part of that preparation involves calming things down. Higher progesterone is associated with lower libido, increased fatigue, and reduced sensitivity.
If you've ever noticed that your sex drive tanks in the week before your period, progesterone is the likely reason. Hormonal contraceptives that contain progestins (synthetic progesterone) can have a similar dampening effect on desire.
Cortisol
Cortisol is your stress hormone. Short-term spikes (a deadline, a scary film) don't do much to libido. Chronic elevation, ongoing work stress, relationship tension, financial worry, poor sleep, suppresses the entire hormonal system, including testosterone production. Your body prioritises survival over reproduction when it's under sustained stress. Libido is one of the first things to go.
This is why "just relax" is technically correct advice for improving sex drive but practically useless. The question isn't whether stress affects libido (it does). It's how to actually reduce chronic stress, which is a bigger conversation than any single article can solve.
How your cycle affects desire
If you menstruate, your sex drive isn't constant throughout the month. Here's the rough pattern:
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Menstruation (days 1-5): Variable. Some people feel more sexual during their period (oestrogen is starting to rise); others feel less. Both are normal.
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Follicular phase (days 6-13): Rising oestrogen and testosterone. Many people notice increasing desire, better lubrication, and heightened sensitivity.
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Ovulation (around day 14): Peak oestrogen and testosterone. This is often the highest-desire point of the cycle. Biologically, this makes sense — your body is primed for conception.
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Luteal phase (days 15-28): Progesterone rises, oestrogen and testosterone drop. Desire often decreases. PMS symptoms can further reduce interest.
This pattern is a general trend, not a rule. Plenty of factors override it, attraction, novelty, emotional connection, medication, and plain old mood.
Life events that shift your hormones
Hormonal contraception
The combined pill, patch, and ring work by suppressing ovulation, which means they flatten the natural hormonal cycle. Many people on combined hormonal contraceptives report lower libido, and research supports this, a 2016 review in The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that hormonal contraceptives, particularly combined oral contraceptives, were associated with reduced sexual desire in a significant subset of users. This isn't everyone, but it's common enough to be worth knowing.
The progestogen-only pill and hormonal IUDs have more variable effects, some people report reduced libido, some report no change, some report improvement (possibly because they're no longer anxious about pregnancy). If your sex drive changed when you started a new contraceptive, the hormonal shift is the most likely explanation.
Pregnancy and postpartum
Pregnancy floods the body with oestrogen and progesterone. Some people experience heightened desire during the second trimester; others lose interest entirely. After birth, oestrogen crashes (especially during breastfeeding, when prolactin suppresses oestrogen), testosterone stays low, and sleep deprivation hammers cortisol. It's a perfect storm for low libido. More in our postpartum sexuality guide.
Perimenopause and menopause
The transition into menopause involves declining oestrogen and testosterone over several years. Irregular cycles, hot flashes, vaginal dryness, and mood changes all accompany the shift. Libido often decreases, but it's rarely oestrogen alone, the combination of physical discomfort, poor sleep, and psychological adjustment all contribute. Read more in our sex during menopause guide.
Medications that affect libido
Hormones aren't the only influence. Several common medications have libido effects:
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Antidepressants (SSRIs/SNRIs): 40-65% of users experience sexual side effects including reduced desire, delayed orgasm, and difficulty with arousal.
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Blood pressure medications: Beta-blockers and some diuretics can reduce desire and arousal.
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Anti-androgens: Used in some hormonal treatments, these directly suppress testosterone.
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Opioid pain medications: Suppress testosterone production, often significantly.
If your libido changed around the time you started a new medication, talk to your GP. There are often alternatives or dosage adjustments that can help.
The desire discrepancy problem
One of the most common relationship complaints is mismatched sex drives. One partner wants sex more than the other. This causes the higher-desire partner to feel rejected and the lower-desire partner to feel pressured, which makes the problem worse from both sides.
Understanding the hormonal picture helps here because it depersonalises the gap. If one partner is on an SSRI, recently postpartum, chronically stressed, or perimenopausal, their lower desire has a clear biological explanation. It's not about attraction, love, or the relationship's health, it's about hormones doing what hormones do.
The solution isn't forcing the lower-desire partner to have more sex. It's communication, flexibility, removing pressure, and sometimes working together with a professional who specialises in desire discrepancy. Desire that's pressured becomes avoidant. Desire that's invited (without expectation) has room to resurface.
Responsive vs spontaneous desire
This concept changes how a lot of people think about their sex drive. Spontaneous desire is wanting sex out of nowhere, a thought pops in, you feel turned on without any trigger. Responsive desire is wanting sex once something has started, you weren't thinking about it, but once a partner initiates or you start physical contact, desire kicks in.
Most people with vulvas experience predominantly responsive desire, especially in long-term relationships. This is normal. It doesn't mean low libido, it means desire works differently than the "spontaneous hunger" model that gets treated as the default. If you rarely think about sex unprompted but enjoy it once things start, that's responsive desire, and it's not a problem to fix.
What you can actually do about it
Knowing the hormonal picture doesn't automatically fix things, but it does let you stop blaming yourself and start problem-solving.
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Track your cycle: Noticing patterns helps you anticipate low-desire phases rather than being caught off guard by them.
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Address sleep: Chronic sleep deprivation suppresses testosterone and raises cortisol. Improving sleep is one of the most effective things you can do for libido.
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Exercise: Regular physical activity, particularly resistance training, supports testosterone production and reduces cortisol.
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Review medications: If medication timing correlates with libido changes, discuss alternatives with your GP.
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Use lube: If low oestrogen is making sex uncomfortable, lubricant addresses the physical barrier even when hormones don't cooperate.
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Prioritise pleasure: Desire often follows arousal, not the other way around. Starting with low-pressure physical connection, a vibrator, massage, touch, can kickstart desire even when your hormones aren't cooperating.
Related reads
More from this series: Sexual Health Resource Hub · Antidepressants and Sex Drive · Sex During Menopause · Postpartum Sexuality · Sex and Your Period
FAQs
Is low libido a medical condition?
It can be. Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD) is a recognised diagnosis when persistently low desire causes personal distress. The key word is "distress" — if your sex drive is low and you're fine with that, there's nothing to treat. If it's bothering you, talk to your GP or a sexual health professional.
Can supplements boost sex drive?
Some have limited evidence — maca root, ashwagandha, and DHEA have shown modest effects in small studies. None are silver bullets, and the supplement industry is poorly regulated. If you're considering supplements, discuss them with a healthcare provider first.
Does testosterone therapy work for women?
Testosterone therapy for women with low libido is an emerging area. In Australia, it's used off-label in some cases (typically post-menopausal women with low testosterone). Research shows modest improvement in sexual desire and satisfaction. It's not a first-line treatment and requires monitoring. Talk to an endocrinologist or gynaecologist with experience in this area.
Why is my partner's sex drive different from mine?
Because you're different people with different hormonal profiles, different stress levels, different medication histories, and different responsive patterns. Desire discrepancy between partners is one of the most common relationship concerns. It doesn't mean something is wrong with either person, it means you need communication and flexibility rather than a matched schedule.
Sources
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Cappelletti, M. & Wallen, K. (2016). Increasing women's sexual desire: the comparative effectiveness of estrogens and androgens. Hormones and Behavior, 78, 178-193.
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Both, S. et al. (2017). Hormonal contraception and female sexuality: position statements from the European Society of Sexual Medicine. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 16(11), 1681-1695.
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Shifren, J.L. et al. (2008). Sexual problems and distress in United States women. Obstetrics & Gynecology, 112(5), 970-978.
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Sexual Health Victoria — sexual health support in Australia.